How a Tough Coach Changed My Life Forever

Once upon a time (all great stories begin this way, right?!) there was this 17-year-old boy who was arrogant but insecure. He was driven but had no aim. He was smart but barely getting by in classes. He was fiercely independent but also an extremely loyal friend. He was a part of the “in-crowd” but never felt like he was his true self in that crowd. He tried hard to get approval from others, especially his father, but never felt like anything he did was “good enough.”

The area where he could shine and be his authentic self was in athletics. He was naturally gifted at picking up any sport and being, at the very least, proficient, and in some sports, he really excelled.

Would it surprise you to know that I’m describing myself? Like many teenagers, I was lost and trying to find my way in this world.

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One of the sports I really excelled in was football. I love the sport. It is both mentally and physically demanding. It brings out the best in teamwork, fierce competition, athleticism, and toughness. I had all of those things.

My senior year, they fired our longtime head coach and replaced him with a new head coach from a smaller school that had a really good record. We were excited for a change and a chance to win more games.

That being said, this new head coach was a tyrant (and not in the good kind of way like a Saban or Belichick). He was demeaning and uninspiring.

This is a picture of me from that fateful senior year of high school. It was our last home game. I’m smiling through the pain and so should you!

But we had talent and a will to win. In fact, despite his ways, our senior class led Verona Area High School to its first winning record in many years.

This head coach beat down my confidence in ways that I’ve never experienced before. It was crippling at times. He made me insecure in ways I’ve never felt before. So much so, I never told my parents about it because I was embarrassed.

Remember, athletics was my one space where I felt like I could be my true self and where I typically excelled. As he beat me down, I became a lesser version of myself.

Here’s the important takeaway that I want you all to learn…even poor leaders, coaches, and parents have something to teach us. That lesson could be that you want to do everything the exact opposite of how they did it!

That coach berated, demeaned me, and made me feel less than. I have never done that to someone I lead. He did, however, teach me perhaps one of the most valuable lessons in my life…inadvertently.

Because he beat my confidence down so badly, I learned that no one was responsible for how I felt about myself outside of me. That epiphany was life-changing! I began to work on myself and my own confidence internally. I began to build my own self-confidence, self-worth, and it eventually led to self-efficacy.

It has been a long process, but what I’ve become is unbreakable. As long as I have faith in God and know what He thinks about me, I don’t need anything else. I am virtually unoffendable. The reason I say virtually is because I’m sure that I still have something deep down that might cause a trigger. You can call me any name in the book. You can accuse me of anything. You can hate me. You can talk behind my back. None of it will affect how I feel about me. I continue to build myself daily (as should you!).

It is a lifelong journey of self-discovery. That self-discovery is one of life’s greatest journeys!

I hope that this inspires you today to take action even when you’re in pain. Take action to work on your inner being daily. Read up on what God thinks about you. I truly believe you’ll be amazed at how much you are truly loved and accepted by our Creator! You were beautifully and individually made.

And remember, even poor leaders have something to teach you.

Make sure you extract the lessons no matter what seat or season of life you’re in.

Inspire & Impact

Josh